Out doing my personal 'Let's cheer Amber' up by shopping. My monthly $12 to keep me out of a funk special time...yup spent it all at the Dollar Store, on things I need, but not desperatly, around the house. Keeps in stock of push pins, paper towels (I don't buy them often, such a waste of paper and trash YOU CAN'T RECYCLE USED PAPER TOWELS!!!!!!! Best of all it helps Truth feel normal, since all of his friends parents use paper instead of wash clothes), candles, crayons, Play Do, foam swords, and cap guns (for the kid in me)...
To put it nicely, my shopping trip did nothing for my mental health but put me in a bigger slump. There I was minding my own business (as much as humanly possible when there are women talking about the dirty down their street, kids fighting parents, and couples arguing over the color of shampoo. Really, a show of hand on who can avoid easdropping in on those conversations!!! My hands are under my rump at this very minute trying not to lie for the fun of it.), when WHAM! Right in the kisser! Christmas decorations everywhere!
And this is how the conversation in my head went (that's right I talk to myself mentaly when I'm out in public, I don't want people being entertainded by my insanity, I'm selfish.):
Me: Are you kidding me! Christmas decorations? We haven't made it to Halloween yet! It's only July.
Me: No that's not right, I know you are over worked Amber but its not July, we were on vacation in July.
Me: Crap, you're right, its...Truth's in school so August...
Me: Nope that's not right either, Truth's been in school longer than that. Its September, Amber.
Me: Oh, oh, ya...wait! September? What's todays date?
Me: That's a good question. Its September, what, 12th? No that's not right, we (yes I refered to myself as a multiple...) were working at the library (volunteer day for me)...15th?
Me: Nope we were moving (a friend not naming names here)..what the hell day is it? Truth went to school yesterday...TUESDAY? ALREADY?
Me: That's right today's September...18th...2012...ugh...
Me: I swear it was July 10, 2005 just the other day...WOW I can't believe Truth is 10, oh my! I'M 30! WAIT ITS SEPTEMBER? I better make sure all the Christmas lights are working, didn't I break a few Icicles last year? I think Truth stepped on a box of bulbs last year, were they the silver or red...RED!!!
Me: Oh, look Amber, red Christmas bulbs! Better grab some while I'm here.
I will fast forward through the rest of my shopping now and skip to where the shopping ruined my mood. I leave the store, I'm walking to work all happy that I got those Christmas decorations, now I'm prepared for the tree. All of a sudden IT hits me. ITS NOT JULY 10, 2005! Its actually been 7 years, 2 months and 8 days since I was getting ready for Truth to turn 3! My baby isn't 3 anymore, worse he's 10! What happend? Where did all that time I wanted to spend with him disappear to? Did we ever climb that tree? Did he ever get to hear that made up story I was dying to tell him? Did I miss something at some point and time he might have wanted to share with me? Yup, I sure did...
I've been trying all day to figure out where those 7 years, 2 months and 8 days went...I lost em somewhere...Dammit I hate shopping!!!
